Recently, I was on Tumblr (what’s new) and I stumbled across this post on my dash. I read the comments and realized that we as people have so many insecurities. Everything from our eyebrows, to the way we walk, to our dreams and our aspirations – we have all felt those moments where you feel that guilty… about being yourself.
And there’s something wrong with that. The fact that others (and or ourselves) can make us feel guilty about something we most likely can’t change – and shouldn’t change – is wrong. It’s wrong because if we don’t believe in ourselves and we can’t see through all of those other people’s crap, then we’re giving them power over us. We’re letting them dictate what we can feel and how we see ourselves, both which really should be up to us and only us.
But then I thought – is there really any way to stop this? Is there any way for us to stop having insecurities? To stop others from pointing them out? The answer, unfortunately, is no. But there is, however, a way for us to actively change the way we see ourselves. And trust me – there is no easy way out or a one-size-fits-all version of this. But I’m going to share what has helped me, because this is something I’ve combatted all of my life, and only recently has gotten easier.
1. Embrace your imperfections and move on. There’s no point in dwelling on them. They’re there. Awesome. They’re not going anywhere. That sucks, but hey, guess what? That means more time for you two to get to know each other. Say hello every morning to whatever you don’t love the most about yourself, and move on. Don’t spend time squeezing your belly fat or pointing our every pimple on your face. Just move on.
2. Find something that makes you feel beautiful. This is different for EVERYONE and I think it changes over time. But find that thing and milk it. A note on this: for some people think makeup is bad, but I beg to differ. Makeup can make people feel strong, it can emphasize your beauty, and it’s fun. So if makeup is your thing, go for it, but know that you’re beautiful without it too. It doesn’t make you beautiful, you make it beautiful.
3. Surround yourself with people who make you feel empowered and leave behind anyone who doesn’t. Those people are missing out on someone incredible and it’s THEIR loss – not yours. Don’t feel obligated to spend time with people who make you make bad choices, who degrade you, or make you feel like you have to be someone you’re not. Find people who make you laugh, smile, and who you can be every part of yourself with without having to worry what they’ll think of you. Note: this takes time. It’s hard to find these people, and these people may change as you grow up, but never give up on trying.
4. Find someone you can vent to and who will hear you without you feeling judged. I know this sounds trifle, but trust me, this is so valuable. If this is your parents, your siblings, your best friends, that’s awesome, but for me, it isn’t always. I’ve found people, both adults and teenagers, who see me for me and who love me because of it. Love those people and show them how much they mean to you, and don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
5. Show people you care. This also may sound trifle, but I’ve found in my fifteen – almost sixteen – years of living that there are so many people who don’t know people love them and all they need is a reminder some days. Find your way of doing this (mine is through baking sweets and sending sweet texts/letter/words of love and hugging people) and use it once a week. Tell the people you love how much they mean to you, and how much it means to you that they’re in your life.
Bettering yourself is hard, and it’s a continual process. It takes time, it takes a whole lot of effort, and it’s scary. It’s hard to take a leap of faith, that’s just a fact of life. But it’s so worth it. So try some of the things I’ve suggested, or come up with your own! And if you ever need some moral support, I’m always just a tweet/comment/email/ask away and I’ll reply. Promise.
Hugs and all the love in the world,